You wouldn’t know it, but April 14 is my birthday. What you also wouldn’t know is that it was the last time I ever swam a collegiate practice. 

It was a choice all mine. A personal decision that allowed me to step away from a sport that had been shaping me for the past ten years. Mentally, I wasn't done yet. Physically, I had to be. 

My first collegiate season at Niagara University was the best I’d had in a year. I was able to hit my personal and season best time that I hadn’t touched in previous seasons. Better than that I was in the strongest mental state I had been in with swimming for years. I was always looking forward to practices, no matter how hard I knew they were going to be. The hardest practices were my best ones because I could dig deep down in me and find that spark. 

My team also played a huge factor in my success. I always felt supported during practice or at a meet. For the first time in a long time I felt content with the possibility of giving myself three more years of collegiate swimming. 

But while my mind was at its best, my body couldn't keep up with the drive. 

It started with my already torn shoulder giving out, one I’ve had since junior year of high school that just needed a little bit more physical therapy attention than I had been giving to it. But then my back began to flare up, and an injury I had never dealt with my hip giving out just like my shoulder. Pain was a constant for me. 

It wasn’t easy stepping away from collegiate swimming, it’s like you're an addict just wanting more of those moments of bliss you feel. But you can’t do it anymore, your body's in rehab and now so is your mind. So the next best thing for me was to pour my love for swimming onto the kids I coached. During the summer months I led a summer swim team where I was the head coach, and it gave me a sense of purpose being able to show these younger kids how to love swimming no matter if it's hard. Being able to take my collegiate experience and pursue coaching gave me this blend of unique ideas and ability to coach these kids which was also pointed out in an article Why College Athletes, which really delves into how prior collegiate athletes are so good at being coaches. 

It felt good being able to give back to a sport I can no longer participate in without feeling pain. 

Not only was my body in pain, so was my heart. I went to NU specifically for swimming and while the academics were good, I felt like if I wasn’t going to be an athlete anymore the schools couldn't offer me everything I wanted. So I transferred to CSU, where now instead of my days being packed with practices and with my hair drenched everywhere I go. Instead I’m working, have an internship, and get to write about sports. Everything and more I wanted to get out of things for myself. 

I’ll never forget the experiences being an athlete gave me. And the path I follow is different from every athlete before or after me that has experienced the same trivial question, of will my body survive anymore? 

For me it didn’t, but it didn’t end my story, it just closed a singular chapter of it.